HAPPY BIRTHYEAR
Been in this for 10 years now
This year marks a decade of disordered eating and eating disorders. The organized kind, at least. To celebrate I'm taking anywhere bethween 6 months and a year off school to focus on my disorder. And before anyone rushes to congratulate me or whatever- I don't mean recovery. I'm not trying to recover. I'm just tired of how much the brain fog affects my grades, so quitting school for a while seems like the second most responsible decision for someone in my shoes.
I know I said I've had this lil thing with me for a decade, but in all honesty it's more than that. I only just got Better at it 10 years ago. You see, I was a fat kid. I was very aware of being considerably bigger than my friends. They made sure I knew even if I had somehow missed it. On top of this my mom's had an ed and overall an unstable body image for all of her life, subjecting me to "amifatamifatamifatamifatamifat????" since i was tiny
So I spent my entire childhood trying to lose weight despite not knowing how. Instead of counting calories my dumb ass was counting grams. How many grams of food I ate per day. I thought if I only ate alone it would limit my food intake enough to make me lose weight. I bought a tube of pringles and divided it into stacks of 3, allowing myself 3 chips per day trying to prevent snacking. It ... didn't work. Until about exactly 10 years ago I accidentally lost some weight while away at camp. And I kept losing weight? I could eat whatever I wanted and I kept losing weight? So I started counting calories. And that made me come up with a very low cal meal plan. Then I kept cutting it smaller and smaller. And just like that I changed the direction of my life lol
And where am I with it now? I don't know. I have my goals and my methods to achieve my goals. I'm waiting to fully kick it into gear, but I'm surviving. I'm somehow so so so much better at it than I was back then, honeymoon phase 3 or something. But this time I have a good support network of people who know what I want and want to keep me company on my way there. I'm dating someone with an ed as well, which has been one of the best things to happen to me, disorder-wise. I no longer feel alone in the middle of this, which makes existing with it objectively more enjoyable
Been in this for 10 years now
This year marks a decade of disordered eating and eating disorders. The organized kind, at least. To celebrate I'm taking anywhere bethween 6 months and a year off school to focus on my disorder. And before anyone rushes to congratulate me or whatever- I don't mean recovery. I'm not trying to recover. I'm just tired of how much the brain fog affects my grades, so quitting school for a while seems like the second most responsible decision for someone in my shoes.
I know I said I've had this lil thing with me for a decade, but in all honesty it's more than that. I only just got Better at it 10 years ago. You see, I was a fat kid. I was very aware of being considerably bigger than my friends. They made sure I knew even if I had somehow missed it. On top of this my mom's had an ed and overall an unstable body image for all of her life, subjecting me to "amifatamifatamifatamifatamifat????" since i was tiny
So I spent my entire childhood trying to lose weight despite not knowing how. Instead of counting calories my dumb ass was counting grams. How many grams of food I ate per day. I thought if I only ate alone it would limit my food intake enough to make me lose weight. I bought a tube of pringles and divided it into stacks of 3, allowing myself 3 chips per day trying to prevent snacking. It ... didn't work. Until about exactly 10 years ago I accidentally lost some weight while away at camp. And I kept losing weight? I could eat whatever I wanted and I kept losing weight? So I started counting calories. And that made me come up with a very low cal meal plan. Then I kept cutting it smaller and smaller. And just like that I changed the direction of my life lol
And where am I with it now? I don't know. I have my goals and my methods to achieve my goals. I'm waiting to fully kick it into gear, but I'm surviving. I'm somehow so so so much better at it than I was back then, honeymoon phase 3 or something. But this time I have a good support network of people who know what I want and want to keep me company on my way there. I'm dating someone with an ed as well, which has been one of the best things to happen to me, disorder-wise. I no longer feel alone in the middle of this, which makes existing with it objectively more enjoyable